If I get pregnant and am fortunate enough to deliver a healthy baby, will I think of the baby as a "replacement" child? Will I forget the one I lost? Dear God, I hope not. No child could replace the one I lost. When people ask if its my first child, I will say NO. I will declare that I had a first child who left us much too soon. If it makes people uncomfortable, who cares. I'm not going to hide my pain or be embarrassed about it anymore. Miscarriage is common...too common. Too many women are suffering in silence and I'm not going to be one of them. Maybe my story will one day be a source of hope for someone. I hope so. Lord knows I gather hope wherever I can find it.
Sigh...Off to bed now, to pray for a child. Are you there, God? Please bless us with a baby.
| posted by Anna at 9:49 PM
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Carolyn Tucker, MA, LAPC had this to say:
Anna- I was pregnant for the second time in a year recently. I was surprised that some of the pain from the first loss was healed by the second pregnancy. It didn't make me forget the first baby, just helped with perspective. I know the feeling of wanting to bring all this public. I feel like it's my dirty secret, people get so uncomfortable when you try to share your pain. As believers I pray we all learn to see pain as an opportunity to love on each other! Rose
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Anna had this to say:
Thanks, Rose...I know there are so many women out there who feel the same way I do. My husband doesn't understand how much comfort I get from the FF loss boards and blogs such as yours. It just helps to know I am not alone with this pain.
Do you think this is bad? I think that if I can one day get pregnant and carry a baby to term, a lot of this pain will be healed, just by proving to myself that I can do this, that I'm not defective.
