I've been analyzing this and thinking it over a lot the past few days and I wonder if it has to do with me not working. When I'm with Andrew, I feel so happy and purposeful. I have no time for self-pity or self-depracation because he requires so much care. Its not that he's all that makes me happy; its just that I don't have time for being self-centered when he's up. When he goes down for a nap or for bedtime, however, I find myself thinking about how useless I feel. Like I don't contribute to the world. I hate myself and end up being mean to Chris, which is completely unfair. I can't stand being this way. I don't want to work, but I think I seriously need to get out of the house.
Today, the plan is to get in touch with the local Mom's Club and hook up with them if its OK, go to the local Curves and see about getting a membership (I feel SO much better when I work out, and I haven't done any working out since before Andrew...before bedrest!), and do a little grocery shopping ALONE. I'll call up some of my friends and have some "girl talk." Just the thought of all that makes me feel better already.
Anyway, thanks for the concern and advice. I will keep in touch with my doc, I promise.
| posted by Anna at 11:02 AM
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Cat, Galloping had this to say:
i am also most unhappy when i'm not busy. i've always noticed that when work is slow (pre and post baby) is when i get really disgruntled-- i guess that thing about idle hands can be true!
your plans to get out of the house both with and without andrew sound great. hope just having a plan is making you feel better already.-
laura had this to say:
i would imagine that the combination of great big changes - andrew's birth, the anxiety of it, chris's new job, the house hunt, the move, andrew's developments, your new life staying at home, not to mention a good dose of hormonal change - would be overwhelming. after so much upheaval, how could you not have some difficulty??? i hope your doctor is able to understand your situation and offer you help and that your other plans for healthy changes work - you deserve the freedom to enjoy all the lovely things in your life!
re: meds - for most people, i don't think they're the right long term solution (although they are certainly necessary long term for some people), but i do believe they are an invaluable resource to make going on with life possible while you sort out the bigger issues. i certainly wouldn't be writing here today if i hadn't had the right meds a few years ago, which enabled me to hang in there until i found the therapy i needed!-
Sweet Coalminer had this to say:
I'm so sorry I missed this post.
I spent thousands of dollars in therapy, and mentioned to my therapist that my horrible unhappiness coincided with me starting a new pill. She said it wouldn't cause me to feel like I was feeling.
I was on that pill for 2 years. About 4 days after I stopped taking it, I was a new woman.
Getting out more is a mixed bag because it's hard with baby not getting regular naps and meals, and because you just don't get as much stuff done at home. (Chores piling up at home REALLY send me over the edge. I am miserable when our place is a disaster.)
It's a HUGE adjustment. HUGE. I'm still having down days when I wonder if I have PPD.
I think being a mom is a lifetime adjustment that has up days and down days. I hope you find an answer.
