<Keeping the Faith>

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Ignorance is Bliss

OK, since getting my BFP on Friday, I have been debating about getting betas drawn. Part of me really wants to see those numbers doubling so I can feel like everything is fine, but part of me says, "What if they're NOT doubling? EEK!" I mean, there's nothing I can do to change how my hCg levels do or do not increase. All it will do is probably cause me a lot of undue stress, which is what I do NOT need right now. I have enough stress as it is. I've heard stories of perfectly doubling betas, where the pregnancy ended in m/c anyway...and I've heard stories of not-doubling betas where the baby ended up just fine and dandy. So, I think knowing these things has helped me decide that ignorance really is bliss, and that I just don't need the stress. Chris says he just KNOWS this baby will be fine. He prays for him/her all the time. We both feel really positive and hopeful, which is good. Chris even bought me "What to Expect When You're Expecting" so we could read it together and see what's going on each month. Now THAT is optimism. I didn't even get a chance to look at that book before losing my baby last time I got pregnant. Last night I sat down and read the first five chapters! I guess I am feeling pretty good about this one. Should I be nervous about that??

So sad for Jill...Bad news from her doc yesterday. I was crushed to hear her news. Jill, if you're up to reading blogs and check in over here, know that I am praying for you and am SO sad for you. I just don't know what else to say. You're in my thoughts, though. Sending you hugs all the way from the USA...I feel kind of guilty for being preggo. I mean, I' ve been in this one buddy group on FF since losing my baby and about half of us have gotten preggo since then, but I feel bad because I KNOW how much these other women desire and deserve a "forever baby" of their own! Then there are all these wonderful women in blogland who are still struggling...and I feel a little guilty. Is it wrong for me to be happy? I truly know how it feels to struggle...Its been over a year of TTC for us, so I definitely know what its like, and I highly doubt I will ever forget. And we're not even sure about this bean, really, so who knows...I just feel sad for those who are still trying. I'm praying my heart out for you girls, that we all get to hold our healthy babies very soon.

| posted by Anna at 6:48 AM

3 Comments:

Jillian had this to say:: Hey Sweetie, don't feel bad on my account...as bad as I feel right now I have so much hope and happiness for you and Eve!

And I always say guilt is a useless emotion anyway...if you are feeling it, you have done something you shouldn't have done (ummm nope, not that one!) or you should be doing something to fix the situation you feel guilty about. And given that is an impossiblity, smile Hon, feel joy and send the lifeforce to your baby! Thanks for thinking of me though:); 11:24 PM
Anna had this to say:: (((hugs))) to you Jill. Thinking of you. I just wish there were something I could do to make it all better.; 9:29 AM
Anonymous had this to say:: Hi Anna! Just wanted to check out your blog and had to respond to this. You should definitely NOT feel any guilt. You deserve this baby as much as any of us do and you need to be happy and strong for your little one (and for yourself!).
Cheers,
Kori; 10:10 AM

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