I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said, "Anna, do you trust God?"
"Of course," I said.
"So why are you living in this constant state of worry and fear?"
Hmmmm...Good question.
I think I have it set up in my mind that I am in control of this, and if anything happens it will be my fault. I am the first tell other people to trust God and remind them that He is in control, but when it comes to this ONE THING, I can't seem to hand over the "control button." I need to get up and walk away from myself...let God take over the controls. I mean, I am trusting him with everything else in my life (and He is doing a great job, by the way!)...I need to just relax and give him this ONE thing. I'm going to do this. I have to do this or I will completely lose it.
We'll be back on Thursday. Hopefully still pregnant and a lot more sane. :)
| posted by Anna at 3:50 PM
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Jillian had this to say:
I don't think it's about handing over control, it's more that we hold on so tight to this one thing, trying to do what are responsible for in their care and protection.
That's what you are doing - YOUR best and God is still doing His thing, it's just that you are doing so much you figure you are trying to take over. But being a mum is very involved and many of the details are for you to take care of. Like you say, you trust God, but God isn't responsible for you taking your prenatals or not playing ice hockey - you are. A lovely partnership if ever there was one:)
Have a lovely trip!-
lorem ipsum had this to say:
Good question. God gave us this great intellect, and so we know all that can go right and wrong. It is our nature to want to control it. We don't want to control the rising and the setting of the sun because for the most part we don't think about it, but when it's six o'clock and you're driving home and you left your sunglasses at the office, don't you wish for a moment it was cloudy or the sun elsewhere?
It's kind of a trick question God throws at us, I think. I gave you this mind, but forget about it and put your faith in me. No wonder we have so many people trying to play God.
I think you and I just want answers. Not necessarily control, but a bite of that fruit of the tree of knowledge, so to speak.
And God DOES talk to us. Like that woman who wrote that article claiming that worry is a useless emotion, I disagree because it is also what keeps us alert and asking questions. If not for questions, we would not be so involved in these pregnancies now. Which brings us back to all this knowledge and science.
I have faith. I think. But I also have faith that God will give me the knowledge I need to get by, and won't leave me hanging just to be mysterious and all-powerful. God doesn't need to show how wonderful God is. You just know. But I still get the idea that there's quite a bit of selective proving going on. Which is where I get mad.
God gave us the tools to be mothers. So why weren't we allowed to use them earlier? I'll always wonder this. Saying that it's a 'test' doesn't comfort all the people whose loved ones are killed in catastrophes large and small. 'Making us stronger' can only take us so far when what we really want in our lives are results.
I'm strong now. I want results.-
Roxanne had this to say:
I'm really not very religious...althoug much more so than I was before we lost Charlie. But one of the things I read during this ordeal was "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." I thought it was interesting that the book seemed to say that God doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it when awful stuff happens to us, but that we can turn to God for help when it does.
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Wendy Orrison and Holly Snyder had this to say:
Anna -
I have some questions for you about teaching, can you email me? snyderh@wlu.edu . It would be really helpful.
BTW, hope you had a great time at your retreat. I think it's great that you are willing to hand the reigns over to God, I'm not that trusting. Working on it, but it's a work in progress.
