One of the first things that happened was that he told a 10th grader that he could not go to the 11th-12th grade Sunday School class. The next day, the dad was in the office yelling about it and the pastor basically told Chris, "When a member of this family wants something, they get it." That, of course, seemed very unfair and wrong to Chris, but he submitted to the pastor's leadership. Of course, then if anybody else wanted to go to a different Sunday School class he really couldn't stop them. Several other little "power struggles" like this happened. Basically, the parents wanted their kids to be able to do whatever they wanted, and the youth committee wanted to rule the youth ministry.
Then we went to summer camp. We went to Centrifuge, a Baptist youth camp in Panama City. Apparently some of the boys were playing pranks on each other and it got kind of gross. A couple of months after we got back, the crap hit the fan. Pretty soon, Chris was blamed for it and people were saying he was involved in it. Lies. But hey, who are you gonna believe? The "power people" or the minister? The personnel committee asked him to resign. He refused, because he had done nothing wrong. They refused to meet with him to discuss the "charges" and the youth committee was hostile as well. Things just got worse and worse until the deacons finally met and voted to ask for Chris' resignation. It was awful. That was on a Thursday night. We resigned Sunday morning and have not stepped foot in that church since we left that morning. (By the way, less than a month later, I miscarried our first baby.)
We have been so hurt by these "Christians" and what hurts the most is that we're supposed to love each other and support each other, not stab each other in the back. Its been nearly a year since this happened, but we are still healing. We have been through so much. Part of us wanted to turn away from church, from ministry...but God was there, comforting us and bringing us hope. We still hurt when we think about it. That's why we bought this book (When Bad Christians Happen to Good People). Hopefully it will bring insight, counseling, and healing to the both of us. I have a feeling I will highly recommend this book to anyone who has been hurt by "bad Christians."
| posted by Anna at 8:14 AM
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Jillian had this to say:
I am related to a good many 'bad' Christians. They have led me to the stance that I believe in God, and to an extent religion, but not churches. The politicking has nothing to do with what you should be there for.
It sounds like you and Chris are the perfect people to set up a church that has none of that extra rubbish. I am sorry to hear how awfully he was treated. It must have broken both of your hearts but it's wonderful to see they didn't break your spirits:)-
lorem ipsum had this to say:
I have! It makes me instantly suspicious of people with fish on their cars. Thanks for the tip.
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laura had this to say:
anna, i am really curious about this book. i'd love to hear what you think when you're done.
i grew up the daughter of a minister, who abused me, and i really don't have much use for a church that would still look to him as a leader. and yet i can't help but want to give some of what i had to my child. i certainly have created a community for myself - a community that turned out in force for my son's memorial service - but i long for a community of faith, the kind in which i grew up, that nurtured me.
i had no idea about you and your husband's troubles with your church; maybe you covered it earlier while i am a newer reader. but it seems miraculous and really encouraging that despite what happened with his former employing church you are being considered for planting a new one. best of luck to you both.
