Wednesday, July 18, 2007
37w6d
Well, yesterday I *should* have been 37w6d...the exact point in my pregnancy when my water broke and I delivered Andrew. So this morning I should be cuddling and cooing over a newborn, had they been born at the same gestational point (which, I totally realize, probably would NOT happen). Realizing all this makes me feel so sad. I really miss Baby B. I feel guilty because I miss Baby B more than I miss "Thomas" (our first lost little one - yes, I know I was less than 6w along and it could have been a girl, but we've been calling that little one "Thomas" since the day I started to m/c, so there you have it)...Maybe its because I have Andrew to hold, but the loss of Baby B hit me harder. I *knew* what I was losing, after all. I see Andrew and I think of what a handful he is and how a newborn would have totally rocked his world, but I know he would have been a fabulous big brother and I still hope he will be. (BTW, we've been playing a little "russian roulette" so who knows...that little sibling could be here much sooner than we actually planned!)Anyway. That's what I'm feeling. Sadness, a great sense of loss, yet deep love and appreciation for what we DO have.
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I started back to work two days ago. Well, back to teacher training. School starts on August 6, but we have a week of training at the school I'm working at, then a week of training for teachers who are new to the county, then a week of pre-planning. So for three weeks I am away from Andrew full-time. Its been fine for him but ROUGH for me. I'm looking forward to school starting so I have every other day to be with Andrew. :) For now, I come home in the afternoon and spend every spare second with him before he goes to bed. If that means I'm away from the computer, so be it. He is so much more important.
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OK, I gotta run. Gotta get to school. I will check blogs later and get caught up with everyone, I promise. :)
| posted by Anna at 7:09 AM
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Kathy McC had this to say:
(((hugs))) I am sorry you're feeling sad. It's always hard, especially when you hit those milestones.
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Jillian had this to say:
I always wonder if there's a worse time to miscarry - pre or post living children. I think they are just too different to compare and so painful for very different reasons:( I totally get what you are saying about knowing the exact nature of what you are losing and I am sorry you are missing your sweet baby B. Andrew will be a big brother soon enough and he will be awesome at it ((hugs))
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Kelly @ The Barefoot Mama had this to say:
Anna, I'm so sorry. :( I know that pain and you are an inspirational for how you share so candidly and how strong you are. Your faith is really amazing. Praying that God blesses you and your family abundantly!
