Thursday, January 11, 2007
Nothing Much
Thanks again, girls. Catherine, you are so right. I would NEVER blame any of you for your losses, so why should I blame myself? I feel guilty, but I know in my head and heart that it wasn't anything I did. I think I just have to have carefully planned babies, supported by Clomid and progesterone. That's all. No more surprise babies.Anyway, nothing much going on here...Still no cramping, bleeding, etc. Still walking around with a dead baby inside me. My friends and family have done really well, actually, keeping it simple with lots of "I'm sorrys" and "We love yous"...My MIL is the only one whose mouth needs to stay shut. The first thing she said was, "Well, I'm praying for a miracle! We're gonna pray that this baby's heart starts beating again." Ummmm....yeah. You do that. I mean, hey...If God wants to give us a miracle we'll take it, but I'm not counting on it. I just dont' want anybody feeding me any false hope. I'm in the "pit of despair" here (to borrow a term from my favorite movie, The Princess Bride) and just need people to listen. But only when I want to talk about it. Sometimes I want to ignore it and NOT talk about it, so I want them to ignore it with me. Yes, I'm crazy.
Oh! Guess what! I went to playgroup today and didn't lose it. I was so proud. A few of the other moms mentioned it and gave me big hugs but I didn't completely lose it. I cried a little when the first person (who's 19 weeks pregnant) gave me a hug, but that was it. I was very proud of myself. I think getting out of the house did me a lot of good.
Andrew's leg is all healed and he's rarin' to go. I don't think it'll be long before he's all over the place. He's a wonderful distraction. Andrew is a miracle, and we're so lucky to have him. If he is the only child we ever have, we'll be happy with that. We're going to try one more time. If we have a third loss, we're done. Hopefully we'll have a brother or sister for Andrew, but if not, he is more than enough. He is truly a blessing from God.
OK, Andrew is napping and I should really take advantage of the time to take a nap of my own. Thanks again for all the sweet thoughts, prayers, etc...It means so much more than you know.
| posted by Anna at 11:57 AM
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Jillian had this to say:
Just checking in on you....
