Sunday, May 08, 2005
Adding Insult to Injury...
OK, this is some cruel joke, right? I mean, not only do I have to have my period on Mother's day (a day when I should be celebrating 8 months of pregnancy and looking forward to my June 1st due date), but I have to suffer with the cramps from hell!! This is so wrong. I have been trying so hard to have a good attitude, count my blessings, yada-yada-yada...Waking up to serious pain was NOT my plan. Its just a constant reminder that one more month is gone. We got pregnant so easily the first time...WHY has it taken so long to get pregnant again?! Why have I had to resort to medications? Why is it that any drugged-out teenager on the street can conceive at the drop of a hat, but I have to take meds to make me ovulate? I never had a problem ovulating before the miscarriage! Its so frustrating.
I spent last evening crying on Chris' shoulder about this very thing. It doesn't make sense, and I guess it never will...We just have to trust that, somehow, somewhere, there is a reason. I don't think God causes this to happen. I don't think God makes a woman fertile or infertile...But I think He uses it to strengthen and shape His daughters. If I don't meditate on that and remember that God wants only GOOD things for me (even if I don't understand it to be a good thing at the time), I will probably shrivel up and die. I could so easily become bitter, and (as you see above), I release some of that bitterness sometimes. I have to let it out, or it will eat me up inside. I know this has become just one big rant...Sorry about that. I'm going to go lie down with a heating pad now...
| posted by Anna at 10:32 AM
