OK, enough gushing about the baby.
I've been reading a few blogs by some very new mommies and a lot of posts on FF, and its got me thinking. Am I less of a woman because I can't breastfeed?
Here's the story. I had a breast reduction when I was a senior in college. It was completely covered by insurance because I had some major back and shoulder problems developing due to the fact that I was a DD (and only 4'10" tall). Now I am a MUCH more comfortable B cup and a much happier person in general. Before, I was very self-conscious. Guys always made comments about my chest and I felt like that was my only endearing quality and the only reason anyone would date me. After the surgery, I dropped 20 lbs (because I could then comfortably work out and did so!) and my self-esteem rocketed! I was more confident in who I was, and that showed. I met Chris about 6 months after the surgery, and we all know what happened with that. I truly feel like Chris would never have looked twice at me had he known the shy, insecure, self-loathing girl I was before the surgery. Being a "breast man," Chris jokes about how this is God's cruel joke on him, but I know he's just glad that I'm healthy and happy and he wouldn't have me made any other way. :)
ANYWAY.
Reading the posts on FF and seeing all those breastfeeding blinkies about how its so much better for the baby, it almost comes across as arrogant and self-righteous. As if you're not a good mom if you don't breastfeed. But I can't. Its in no way possible due to the extreme amount of reconstruction done on my breasts. I knew about the risk of not being able to breastfeed, and I made my choice. I'm totally OK with it. I just think sometimes that, if I share the fact that I plan to formula feed exclusively, I'll be looked down upon. Reading Galloping Cats and Sweet Coalminer's blogs, I'm a bit relieved that I won't have to deal with some of it...It appears its not all its cracked up to be at times. But I still wonder.
Anyway, maybe I'm just being emotional and ridiculous, but sometimes I wish I could try to breastfeed. But deep down, I know it won't happen. My breasts have not grown AT ALL this whole pregnancy. Other women are talking about leaking breasts and how huge they've gotten. That tends to make me think there's no chance. Chris is so good about it. He says he's glad he can share more equally in the feeding duties, and my brother-in-law talks about how he had some jealousy over his wife's deep bonding with his son because of the breastfeeding issue...so I know its not all bad. There's definitely a good side, and I'm happy about that. I guess I just feel like I should explain myself when it comes to this issue. Like I have to have some really good excuse for not breastfeeding. Wish I knew why that was. But like I said earlier, its probably just the hormones making me emotional about stupid stuff. :)
| posted by Anna at 6:11 PM
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lorem ipsum had this to say:
You have a medical reason that you won't be breastfeeding. It's not because you're vain or lazy or WANT to throw money around on formula. Not all women can do it, surgery or not.
I mean, it's not like you're some Playboy model with balloons for breasts. You're more real than they are, even now!
ps Congrats on the 99 days!-
Jillian had this to say:
Wow - I cannot wait to have surgery like that. I am suffering it out cos I need to bf if possible just for the cost saving.
In a nutshell - I bf E for 16 months, and when S came along only promised her 6 months and see how it goes (no pressure etc..) but it turns out the old mammaries weren't working too well and at 4 mo I realised my poor girl was really hungry.
You know what? When I bf E, my boobs were of such a size I didn't need to hold her even so I'd lay her on my lap on a pillow and watch tv. So much for staring into their eyes and bonding huh? When I gave my first bottle to S it was so much easier to look into her eyes cos my boobs weren't in the way and she was looking up. I LOVED staring into her eyes:)
So anyway, in my experience, bottle feeding allowed me a more intense bonding experience than breast feeding. Now I love a bit of mum juice for the kiddies, but it ain't everything and it has the potential to all even out in the end. So take that Titty Nazis!!
And may I add that if you can get a baby to be as happy with Dad as with you, you will have a much more well rested life - and that's a good thing!-
Kathy McC had this to say:
If it makes you feel any better, I nursed my son exclusively for 13 months and he has asthma and allergies. He's been in the ER more times than I can count due to respiratory problems, and he catches every bug that goes around. So don't worry about it.
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laura had this to say:
it is far more important that you love your son so much (already!) and that you will be an involved and conscientious parent than which way he will be fed. almost all of our generation was bottle fed, and we're not so bad, eh?
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Cat, Galloping had this to say:
like i said over my way, feel way more bonding with a bottle than breast. also, i firmly believe my baby's health, intelligence and whatever else they link to bf will be determined more by his genes and our love and attention than by the food he eats.
nestle good start was recommended to us by the lactation consultant and pediatrician fir its pre-digested proteins. it is also, apparently, less expensive than other brands.
