Tuesday, August 05, 2008
guilt and bad mommy thoughts
I feel horribly guilty. I feel jealous every time Chris leaves the house to go to work. This is SO not me. I cried like a baby when I had to leave Andrew after 17 MONTHS to go back to work PART-TIME. I only work every other day, but it was SO difficult for me to leave him. Now, here I am with two kids, and the thought of going back to work makes me smile. I secretly can't wait until the 26th, when I go back to teaching.
Sigh. Am I a horrible person? I feel like the worst mommy ever. Its just so HARD! Hannah has reflux and is now on meds, so hopefully the screaming will start to subside, but Andrew is still so jealous and DEAR LORD, THE WHINING! Make it stop! My theory is that he is matching Hannah's "tone" since he sees that her crying gets attention. Makes sense to a two year old, but I am SO not used to it.
Anyway, my 6 week postpartum check is on the 12th and I am going to mention these feelings of anger and anxiety to my doc and see if she thinks its ppd or what. I struggled with ppd after Andrew, so I am extra-cautious this time.
In happier news, Hannah had her 1 month appt yesterday and she is up to 8#4oz and 21 inches long! She's growing like a weed! :) She's smiling and cooing and sleeping from 9pm-5am (then back to sleep until around 8 am after a bottle), so I should be happy and count my blessings.
Sigh.
| posted by Anna at 4:39 PM
