Saturday, February 24, 2007
ONE!
My precious Andrew,You are one year old today. Shock. Amazement. Disbelief. Tears. These are the things I feel and do at this moment. It is barely past midnight but I can't sleep due to the anticipation of this amazing day. I am remembering back to one year ago and thinking about my water breaking at 2:30 am, the subsequent frantic packing, showering, and laundry-washing...Why on earth did I insist on shaving my legs and starting a load of laundry before getting to the hospital? Your daddy went back to sleep for a few hours, but I couldn't do that. I was tingling all over with anticipation. And pain. Yes, there was pain. You took 16 long hours to get here, but you were so worth the wait. Your Grans & Papaw, Grandpa & Nana, and Mamaw & Papaw were awakened at 6:30 am and they all hurried from their homes in Tennessee and Alabama in order to meet you. Aunt Lesley & Uncle Jason were there, too, but had to wait until after they got off work before they could make the trip...You were taking your sweet time so they made it before you were born. It meant so much to us that they all came from so far to meet our little miracle.
You were so tiny. 5 lbs 10 oz and 19 inches long. (Probably got the 19" only because they had to use the vacuum to get you out and you had a bit of a conehead. :) Very cute.) You arrived at 6:47 pm on Feb. 24, 2006. You had a bit of respiratory distress because I'd pushed for 2.5 hrs, so they had to rush you away from me and get your breathing stabilized. They had to check your blood sugar often because I'd had gestational diabetes and they wanted to make sure you were OK. You were just fine, but with all the "checking," you didn't get back into my arms until close to midnight. Everyone had gone home so you and I had some alone time. I told you how much I loved you and I told you about all the people you were going to meet the next morning. I wept as I held you and saw all my dreams come true in your eyes. Some moms don't fall in love with their babies instantly. I did.
The months have flown by, and I am even more in love with you now. You call me "Anna" and favor me over all others. I secretly LOVE this. You think Daddy is a big playtoy and obviously adore him. You have an amazing belly laugh that makes everyone around you laugh in return. I love hearing you call for me in the mornings with your musical babbling. I love going into your room to see you sitting there playing with your "babies." I love the way your face lights up when you see me and Daddy. You have 13 teeth now and love to show them off with your HUGE smile...You crawl and cruise at the speed of light and its getting harder to keep up. You are into everything and one of these days I just KNOW you're going to catch one of the cats by their tail. (That should be interesting!) Rosie (the dog) entertains you to no end and when you're upset about playtime being interrupted because of a diaper change or some other such nuisance, her presence immediately calms you and makes you laugh again.
Today you will have a party with over 40 people who love you to pieces. We are so very blessed to have you. I know your siblings are looking down on you from heaven with much love. Though we certainly miss them, please know that you are enough for us. You are an incredible gift and we thank God for you every day, every hour, every minute, every second. We love you , baby boy, and we look forward to each new day with you. We will always be here for you. Cross our hearts.
Love,
Mommy & Daddy
| posted by Anna at 12:20 AM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Coming out of my fog
I.hate.birth.control. Seriously. I don't think I had PPD before. I should have just stopped the birth control and not worried about the Celexa. In the two weeks I have been on birth control (post-D&C), I have been told I've become a different person. Mean. And I FEEL mean. I have ZERO libido, which hurts my husband and makes me feel like crap. I even caught myself thinking about taking the entire bottle of pain pills I have leftover from the D&C and never waking up. Hello? Warning signs, anyone? Sheesh. I took out the NuvaRing and I already feel brand-new. I mean, I was depressed after the miscarriage, but this was a whole new level of psycho. Apparently I am not meant to be on birth control. This scares me, because we were only using condoms before and got pregnant by surprise, so who's to say it won't happen again? I'm not ready to face that fear again, so I am REALLY hoping we can avoid pregnancy for a few more months at the very least.In other news, Andrew has decided he will crawl after all. At 11 months old. He has been cruising since 9 months old, but never even attempted to crawl before now. I was SURE he was going to walk first...perhaps never crawl at all! He's been walking around here with his walker toys and holding onto just our fingers for so long now. He figured out, however, that it is much faster to just crawl somewhere, so he has taken off. This is very scary and I am now very grateful for the months of having just a roly-poly child and not a full-fledged, racing down the hallway, chasing mommy around the corner kind of kid. It is SO cute, though. He's still SO tiny and it just looks hilarious seeing him crawling after me or Chris, or most often the dog. :) He is obsessed with Rosie and the cats. Takes off when he sees them. They're in for a surprise one of these days when he actually catches one of them! :)
Baby boy is babbling like crazy, calling me "Anna" instead of "mama." He says "dada" all day long, but no "mama." He'll reach out his arms to me and say "Anna!!" which is adorable, but makes me think maybe Chris should call me "mama" more often so Andrew understands. :) It IS funny, though.
We went to a birthday party yesterday for one of the little girls at our church, and I met a woman probably a few years younger than my mom. She has had five children, only one is alive. She had five preemies way back when and four of them died. Horrible. Apparently she has only half a uterus but they never knew until after her last loss...never cared to find out before then. She never carried a baby past 30 weeks, but by the time her living son was born the technology was there to help him stay alive. We talked about the pain of losing a child and as I listened, I kept thinking, "This never goes away." Even twenty-five years later he grief is so evident. My loss is nothing compared to her loss, but she kept telling me it doesn't matter how long they're with you - they are your babies and you love them. She treated me as if my pain were just as real as hers. We talked about how people try to forget you were pregnant or say stupid things (with good intentions, but still stupid!)...It was sad to know she had been through pregnany loss, but good to talk to someone in person about it.
ANYWAY. I have to go for now, but wanted to update. Hugs to all in blogland...
| posted by Anna at 9:26 AM
