That's how I feel today: YUCK. I've been nauseous since the very moment my eyes opened this morning at 6:30 am. Put on the SeaBands thinking they would help, since they'd been doing SUCH a good job lately. No such luck. I threw up at church and thought maybe then I would feel better. Nope. I ate lunch, thinking that would help. Nope. I've been snacking all day since my stomach has been grumbling ALL DAY. Doesn't help. School starts tomorrow and I can just imagine how THAT is going to go. Sigh. I just hope I can make it to the restroom before throwing up. Losing your breakfast/lunch/whatever in middle school is embarrassing no matter how you look at it, whether you're a student or a teacher. Anyway. I'm off to lie down now. I am so boring.

Had a bit of a scare yesterday morning. Chris and I "got friendly" Thursday night, and Friday morning I woke up to (TMI alert!) brown/black mucousy spotting. I only saw it twice, and it was much less the second time, but I called the doc anyway. I didn't get to talk to wonderful Dr. E, but I talked to the doctor on-call who is quite wonderful as well, and he said he was 99% positive it was caused by the intercourse. He said the cervix is so engorged by blood at this point that any contact can cause this sort of thing, and he said if it continued at all or if it turned bright red, to call immediately and they would get me an ultrasound. The spotting stopped as suddenly as it began, though, and I was good and sick all day (could NOT keep anything down until dinner). My mom came in town, and I kinda forgot about it. I didn't go for an ultrasound. Am I crazy for not going? I still feel very pregnant and I feel confident that the spotting was indeed caused by having intercourse. I am carefully watching, however, and you can bet that if this happens again, I will be knocking down their door for an ultrasound just to make sure our little one is still with us.

In the meantime, my mom took me shopping for maternity clothes last night, and we had a really nice weekend. She lives in Nashville and she & my stepdad just left to go back home. Its rainy here and I want to just lie down and take a nap. In fact, I think I will go do that right now.

Teachers went back to school on Tuesday. It has been SO stressful. I teach Special Ed and trying to get their schedules arranged around their other classes has just been AWFUL. More of a nightmare this year than last year. Its crazy. Makes me want to pull my hair out...literally. I do NOT need this stress. I left early today and came home to crash for a few hours before Open House at the school tonight. I need the silence and "alone time."

On the baby front, things are going okay...My cat had hidden my SeaBand bracelets from me so I had a couple of really bad mornings where I puked my guts out, but I finally broke down and bought more last night, so I was able to get up and put them on this morning and wear them all day. I know they don't work for some people, but they REALLY work well for me. I don't care if I look like a dork - its better than puking all morning. I've been having some pulling/stretching pains, so I guess my uterus is growing...Looks like things are going along just fine here!

I feel guilty that I'm still pregnant while Eve and Jill are suffering so much. I don't know why this kind of thing happens, and I won't theorize or anything 'cause I know how much that drove me crazy after my m/c...All I can do is pray for them and for their physical and emotional healing to come quickly. Please God, comfort them. Show yourself.

I was so sad to see Eve's news today. I wish there were something I could do or say to make it all better. Nothing going on here seems too important in light of such sad news. Sigh.

Its alive, and there's only one! (Chris made them check to be sure!) :) Our little one was just wiggling all around and that heart was pounding away...146 bpm! I joked that we have a little leprachaun in there! :) It was truly a miracle. I cried.
Thank you for all the prayers, positive thoughts and good vibes you've been sending my way...I truly felt them while I was sitting there in that room waiting to see this little miracle. I truly appreciate all of you!

Dr. E said everything looks really good and my uterus "feels like a 7 week uterus," whatever that means! The ultrasound showed me measuring a couple of days ahead of schedule, so my EDD has been set at March 11. I'm very excited...Just truly enjoying the moment.

T-minus 3 hours and counting 'til the big appointment/ultrasound!

I am so nervous! Everyone keeps talking about twins. Geez, I would be happy to see one little heart beating in there, but two?!?! Twins run all through my family. My great-grandmother had them, my grandmother had them (my youngest aunt - her twin died), my mom had them (they were born premature and both died), and my aunt had them (fraternal, boy/girl twins). My mom insists that my genetics, PLUS the fact that I took Clomid, adds up to a great chance for twins. I don't know what I would do. I'd be happy, but overwhelmed. I mean, sure! Get it all over with at once! I don't know. I'm just hoping to see one healthy baby gowing in there...One would be enough of a blessing. Two would just be too much to hope for. I guess we will have to wait and see! :)

BTW, thanks to Eve for figuring out what I was doing wrong with the link to my BIL's blog. Duh! And thanks, Julie, for saying you'll be sure to check it out! They are really bored over there most of the time (except for when they go out on missions), and they really just want to come home. Thanks for your prayers for him and his guys!

My brother-in-law is in Afghanistan and has set up a blog to keep people posted on how he is doing. I am trying to add a link to his blog on my list of links, but every time I try it, there's just a blank space where it ought to be! Grrrr! Anybody know what I'm doing wrong and what might fix it?

Tomorrow is the big appointment and ultrasound! EEK! I am so excited, but cannot for the life of me get this niggling fear out of the back of my head.

Reasons everything will be fine and we'll see a healthy baby on the u/s screen:
1.) No spotting/bleeding/anything since getting that BFP.
2.) Morning sickness, extreme fatigue, gassiness, bloating...all the symptoms you can think of!
3.) Seven BFPs over the last 3 weeks can't be wrong.
4.) My miscarriage happened very early last time...I never got close to this far along and never had symptoms like this! This is a different pregnancy which will have very different results!

OK, I feel better. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

A while back, somebody mentioned maybe taking up cross-stitching to keep me entertained and keep me from obsessing over stuff. Well, today at Wal-Mart I picked up something to cross stitch. This is it.

My thinking was, its just a bib. Its pretty neutral as far as boy/girl stuff, and I love Care Bears! This child will be lucky to have us for parents, because we know what its like to lose a baby and will be extra-grateful to have him/her. Also, he/she is due in March, so this is perfect!

I know, I know...I am SUCH a dork.

Chris and I moved to this little town in February 2003. We came here because he took a position as the youth and education minister of a relatively large church here (well, its the biggest church in the town...). Anyway, we had our little "honeymoon phase" of course, but soon things started to go crazy. Chris is the type of guy that is quite bold in standing up for what is right. He is not good at playing politics, which is one thing I love about him. He's always the same person, no matter who he is around. In a small town like this one, however, that can be bad.

One of the first things that happened was that he told a 10th grader that he could not go to the 11th-12th grade Sunday School class. The next day, the dad was in the office yelling about it and the pastor basically told Chris, "When a member of this family wants something, they get it." That, of course, seemed very unfair and wrong to Chris, but he submitted to the pastor's leadership. Of course, then if anybody else wanted to go to a different Sunday School class he really couldn't stop them. Several other little "power struggles" like this happened. Basically, the parents wanted their kids to be able to do whatever they wanted, and the youth committee wanted to rule the youth ministry.

Then we went to summer camp. We went to Centrifuge, a Baptist youth camp in Panama City. Apparently some of the boys were playing pranks on each other and it got kind of gross. A couple of months after we got back, the crap hit the fan. Pretty soon, Chris was blamed for it and people were saying he was involved in it. Lies. But hey, who are you gonna believe? The "power people" or the minister? The personnel committee asked him to resign. He refused, because he had done nothing wrong. They refused to meet with him to discuss the "charges" and the youth committee was hostile as well. Things just got worse and worse until the deacons finally met and voted to ask for Chris' resignation. It was awful. That was on a Thursday night. We resigned Sunday morning and have not stepped foot in that church since we left that morning. (By the way, less than a month later, I miscarried our first baby.)

We have been so hurt by these "Christians" and what hurts the most is that we're supposed to love each other and support each other, not stab each other in the back. Its been nearly a year since this happened, but we are still healing. We have been through so much. Part of us wanted to turn away from church, from ministry...but God was there, comforting us and bringing us hope. We still hurt when we think about it. That's why we bought this book (When Bad Christians Happen to Good People). Hopefully it will bring insight, counseling, and healing to the both of us. I have a feeling I will highly recommend this book to anyone who has been hurt by "bad Christians."

We made it back from the retreat! It was SO much information, but really great. It really helped convince us that our area needs some "new blood" around here. All the churches here are REALLY traditional. We're very "contemporary" and we want to build up a rockin' church that is actually relevant and meets peoples needs. We're very excited about the possibilities in front of us.

Morning sickness hit me HARD this week. Pretty much right when I got to 6 weeks. If I gag on my toothbrush, that's it. Today I didn't gag so I didn't throw up, but was miserablw until about 11 am. I'm fine after about 10:30 or 11, but until then...miserable. Oh well, its all for a good cause, right? I mean, seriously. I will endure whatever is necessary in order for me to bring a healthy baby into this world. I might not ENJOY it, but I will endure it. My mom says she was sick with me but only through the 1st trimester. This is one instance in which I hope I'll be JUST like her. :) 2nd trimester starts Aug. 29, so maybe there will be only one miserable month in which to teach. Here's hoping.

Not much else to say...4 more days 'til my ultrasound! I am so excited. I find myself less and less nervous every day. I've been really trying to just think positively and hand it over to God when those panic thoughts hit me...Its a struggle, for sure, but I'm getting a LITTLE better at it, day by day. I enjoyed reading your wise and thoughtful comments on my last entry. I know its hard to trust God (especially with multiple losses!) and there's just so many reasons to question Him when there are so many tragedies happening in this world every day...I just know that, for me, I have faith that God is there, and He sees me. He sees my pain and comforts me. He knows me better than I know myself, and I just have to trust that He will take care of me. I know that sounds naive to some, but its true.

ANYWAY...I'm heading to school tomorrow to work in my room and get it ready. Teachers "officially" go back on Monday, but I like to go early and be ready. :) (I like to actually use teacher planning days for PLANNING, not setting up the room.) That's all that's going on in my boring little world! I'm off to read all my favorite blogs and see what I've missed this week!

Well, we're off. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, we head to the North Georgia mountains for a 4-day training for church starters. I'm excited but nervous. I'm nervous because I'm hoping nothing bad happens while we're away and I can't get to my doctor, but kind of excited because when we come back there will be only 4 more days until my 1st appointment and u/s! :) So, this week should be a good distraction. Its going to be so intense that I really shouldn't even have time to worry, which is a GOOD THING. I was thinking yesterday about how fear has gripped me. Its a horrible feeling.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said, "Anna, do you trust God?"

"Of course," I said.

"So why are you living in this constant state of worry and fear?"

Hmmmm...Good question.

I think I have it set up in my mind that I am in control of this, and if anything happens it will be my fault. I am the first tell other people to trust God and remind them that He is in control, but when it comes to this ONE THING, I can't seem to hand over the "control button." I need to get up and walk away from myself...let God take over the controls. I mean, I am trusting him with everything else in my life (and He is doing a great job, by the way!)...I need to just relax and give him this ONE thing. I'm going to do this. I have to do this or I will completely lose it.

We'll be back on Thursday. Hopefully still pregnant and a lot more sane. :)

I'm heading to my school today...I'm going to get Chris to help move furniture and set up my room so that, during teacher pre-planning, I can actually plan lessons instead of having to set up desks and stuff. Usually I do this the week before pre-planning, but since I will be out of town next week, I need to get over there today. I will also have the 25th (a.k.a. "the big day" - my 1st OB appt) to work in my room. Teacher planning begins the 26th. I'm thinking I will share my big news with the other teachers on the 26th IF we get to see a heartbeat and things look good at my appt. I won't tell the students until its just too obvious to hide. It was really hard to go back and try to explain what happened after I miscarried last time, so I am going to try to avoid that this time. Anyway, that's about all that's going on in my boring life. But sometimes, boring is good! :)

The interview went great! It was three and a half hours but it went by really quickly, actually. Afterwards, we went out for Mexican food (sounded like a good idea at the time...) and oh.my.goodness. I got SO sick afterwards. First time I've thrown up! I guess baby does not appreciate Mexican food at this point. Yuck.

So we came home, laid around a while, then Chris got on the 'net and checked the weather. Looks like another tropical storm/hurricane is heading our way! We rushed around to get outside and cut our grass before it starts raining AGAIN. I swear, its like a jungle in our yard. The grass is SO LONG, but there has been NO break in the rain since the 4th of July. Anyway, we're out there mowing...I'm on the riding mower, Chris is push-mowing the areas I just can't get to. All of a sudden, I notice is it SO HARD to turn the mower. I get off, and sure enough, the WHEEL HAS COME LOOSE. Good grief. So here we are with our front yard and side yard mowed, and a small patch of the back yard, and we can't finish. Hurricane Emily (or Tropical Storm Emily, or whatever she is) is on the way, and we still have a half-jungle. Sometimes I swear, whatever CAN go wrong, WILL.

God, please protect our baby.

Well, we are heading off to our big 4-hour interview with the guy from the Georgia Baptist Convention! Wish us luck. I'm kind of nervous...I mean, what do you really talk about for FOUR HOURS? I guess we'll find out soon enough...I just hope I can eat my crackers to curb this nausea! :)

OK, Roxanne...Changing the look of your blog inspired me. This has been a more difficult task than I thought, having to go back and re-type all the links to the blogs I love to read...I don't really blame you, but yours looked so cool, I just had to make a change myself. (Don't we ALL want to be just like Roxanne when we grow up?) Besides, sometimes the pink is just too girly. :) So what do y'all think?

Tomorrow, my life will start to pick up speed and I'll probably not have the time to stop and catch my breath for more than a few moments, so I am enjoying this last lazy day of summer. I was going to cut the grass today (there's a jungle in front of my house after all the rain from Hurricane Dennis), but its still raining. Perfect excuse to stay indoors and be lazy. Last night I got the urge to clean, clean, clean. So I did. I even moved the bed and vaccuumed behind it, which had not been done since we moved in! We have three cats, so you can imagine the amount of cat hair I discovered. Yuck! I vaccuumed in every crevice and corner until there was no dust (read: cat hair) left. Of course, by the end of today the cat hair will have returned and all that would have been for nothing, but hey...whatever. That's life. Today I think I will do the laundry and clean the bathrooms. They need a good scrubbing. My house is always cleanest when I'm not working. Once school starts, we just "maintain" until there's a break so I can give it a good deep cleaning. Anyway, no one wants to hear about that.

My allergies are acting up something AWFUL and I'm scared to take anything. I asked my regular doctor right before I got my BFP about what to take, and he said not to take anything until I knew if I was pregnant or not. Well, now I am definitely pregnant, and not sure what to take. I guess I can use the basic saline nasal spray, but I'm scared to take Claritin. Anybody have any knowledge about this stuff??

Tomorrow, Chris and I go for a four-hour interview with a Georgia Baptist Convention representative. Chris and I are interested in starting a brand-new church in our area and, in order to gain financial support (everybody needs money, after all), we are required to go through this process. Its mostly just to confirm that we are serious about it and are not just going to give up after a few months of hardship. Next week, we go away to a four-day "basic training" conference for church planters. The day after we come back, I will most likely go to my school and start arranging my classroom and working there a little bit. The NEXT week (the week of the 25th), teachers go back to school for pre-planning. (Oh, and the 25th is my 1st OB appointment!) Students start school on August 1. Summer is SO short, it seems. Oh well. All I do right now is sit around thinking about this baby and praying he/she will make it. It'll be good to have something to distract me and keep me very busy. :)

Oh! Good news...I recently found out my childhood friend Kelly is expecting again. She and I miscarried within days of each other last year. She had long ago been disagnosed with Lupus and was taking methotrexate. That baby was a total surprise (they had actually been preventing!) and, as such, was at a severe risk due to the meds she had been on. She did end up miscarrying a few days before me. It was so sad. I recently found out that she never went back on the methotrexate because the pregnancy hormones did something to her and she hasn't NEEDED the meds! Her pain is nearly GONE! :) She and her hubby decided to start trying again, and now she is 13 weeks pregnant and doing GREAT. She is still considered high-risk, but they have had multiple ultrasounds and seen/heard the baby's heartbeat and things look terrific. I am so excited for her, and I'm glad to yet again be going through all this with her. It certainly helps to have a friend with whom to share this anxiety and excitement!

That's how I feel...Yuck. After a great day shopping and having lots of good "girl time," I am EXHAUSTED and feel just...yucky. I took a nap as soon as I got home, but still feel so yucky. I had horrible cramping/pulling pains all day, and I've had major CM issues since getting my BFP, so the combination of the two had me running to the bathroom all day to check for blood. Man, I wish I could make it to 7 weeks. That would be way beyond my m/c date and I think I might actually feel a little, tiny bit better after seeing a heartbeat. I know, I know...Seeing a heartbeat doesn't necessarily mean things will be hunky-dory, but the chances do get slightly better that things will be OK. That's why I will only feel a tiny bit better.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm spending too much time on the FF boards, hearing everyone's horror stories. Maybe ignorance really IS bliss. In one of my buddy groups on, there are currently five women pregnant again after their Oct. loss. There used to be eight, but three lost their second babies, so now there are five. That's just a little less than half. I know its probably a skewed sample of women, but its SCARY. I mean, maybe I should take a break from the FF boards and try to be positive and optimistic...ignorant...blissful...Who knows. I still have the knowledge so I doubt the break would really make a difference. Might as well encourage these women and take advantage of their wisdom and strength. Chris thinks I'm crazy, I know, and he just knows this baby will be our "forever baby" but its just so hard to relax. I wish I had his faith. "Keeping the Faith" is so hard sometimes. And all this chatter about "Fearless Pregnancy"...HA! Don't I wish! Oh, to be innocent and ignorant again...

Is it March yet???

Today I'm going shopping with a friend. She is about to begin her very first year of teaching and wants me to go with her to but stuff for her classroom. I LOVE shopping for teacher stuff. (Part of the reason I went back to school to get my teaching certificate!) My room is all decorated with Mary Engelbreit stuff. I don't ever turn on the overhead lights...I use lamps. It is a very nice, comfortable, calming setting and the students dig it. I find, with the kids I teach (those with learning disabilities, emotional behavior disorders, etc.) the calming atmosphere is much beetter for them. I think the flourescent lights get them too wound up sometimes. Does that make sense? I don't know that there's any true study on this, but just something I've observed. Anyway, I am looking forward to shopping today. She wants to go look for "teacher clothes" as well...I don't know if I should look for stuff to wear NOW or LATER (maternity stuff)...I really want to look for maternity clothes, but would that be like jinxing myself? I know, I know...that is just ridiculous. I just think about things like that. On her blog, Eve said she got some advice to worry "10 minutes a day." Maybe I should adopt that philosophy. I am just SO bloated right now, and already have a few little stretch marks on my belly! I can't believe it! I am only 4'10" so maybe I will really show earlier 'cause there's just nowhere else for the baby to go. I hope so. I mean, seriously. If I'm gonna feel this pregnant, then doggone it, I want to look it! :) Maybe I will look a little and maybe get one thing. Maybe a cute top that's for early-early pregnancy...

Chris and I went to Target last night and looked at baby stuff. I informed him we would be using "Classic Pooh" stuff for our baby. I have loved that stuff as long as I can remember, and when anyone I know has a child, I always buy him/her something with Pooh on it, so of course I'll be buying it for myself. :) He didn't really care or fight me on it, so I guess he doesn't really care that much. I don't know how much we'll really do for a nursery, though, 'cause its really for the adults, not the kid. And in the beginning I think the baby will sleep with us or in our room in a bassinet...So I'm not counting on really getting a nursery together until LATE pregnancy or even after the baby is born. What kind of nursery themes have you guys seen/had that you just loved?

Well, Dennis is in town and certainly making things interesting here! Though Georgia is not directly in his path, we are right on the edge of GA's western border, on the Alabama state line, and defintely feeling the effects of his fury. We have had terrible downpours since yesterday afternoon, and there are all kinds of tornado warnings and flood warnings in our area. I guess we'll have to cancel our plans for today and just hunker down inside. That's OK with me. We were supposed to go for a 4-hour interview this morning with the Georgia Baptist Convention regarding Chris' desire to start a brand-new church here in West Georgia. We are having to reschedule that. Chris hates rain, period, but he is especially resistant to taking me anywhere now that there's a little one trying to grow inside me. I'm usually pretty brave, but when it comes to protecting my little one, I will do ANYTHING, so I'm cool with rescheduling it.

On the pregnancy front, I'm 5 weeks today. Yay! Now if I can just make it two more, when I get to go to the doctor and see that little heart beating if not much else. 14 more days...Like Jill said, I'll just have to breathe in, breathe out, and repeat. :)

OK, I have GOT to relax. This is my last test, I promise....I think. Its been a week and now the test line is actually DARKER than the control line. I think its sinking in. I'm pregnant. Wow.

Tonight and tomorrow I will be at a Christian women's conference in Atlanta. Taking my best friend, spending the night at a hotel...I can't wait. :) It'll be fun to get away, just the two of us girls!

The rain has finally stopped. The sun is shining! Yay! But I just heard that ANOTHER tropical storm is now on its way toward us and should bring us MORE rain Sunday and Monday. Yippee. I just hope that next week (my last week of summer!) is a pretty one!

Nothing exciting going on here, obviously...I'll be back home tomorrow night and perhaps then I will have something fun to discuss! :)

I am so sad for those poor people in London. How awful. I fear for my brother-in-law in Afghanistan and my cousin in Iraq. I have a strange feeling things are going to escalate soon. I voted for Bush, but I have grown to hate this war. I'm glad they got Saddam. Now I just wish they could find Osama and somehow shut down all these terrorist organizations. I don't know if that will ever happen, though. I think if we ever withdraw from Afghanistan and Iraq, the bad guys will just move right back in and we'll be in worse shape than ever before. I just don't know if its worth all the lives we're sacrificing. On one hand, seeing these tragic events makes me want to hunt down and kill whoever did this, but really...what good would that do? Isn't that what they WANT? To be seen as "martyrs for their cause?" I don't know the answer. I'm just so very tired of all the violence. Makes me wonder what I'm thinking, trying to bring a child into this world. I'm praying for our world leaders and praying for PEACE. I want our soldiers back home in the arms of their familes, where they belong. I'm praying this never happens again. Most of all, right now I'm praying for London and the wonderful people there. God, please, bring us peace. Sorry if any of this has offended anyone...I'm not sure it makes much sense. I'm just rambling...had to get away from the TV for a while and get it out of my head a little.

How am I going to make it? 19 days to wait before knowing if my little one is alive in there or just faking me out. I have major symptoms (which I did NOT before) and no spotting, no blood, nothing to make me worry. Just my own sick mind playing tricks on me. I had a nightmare last night that I woke up and was bleeding. It was awful. Of course I got up and went to the bathroom to check and there was nothing there. Whew! I have GOT to turn off my brain.

Nothing exciting going on here today. Its still raining (has been since the 4th)...effects from Tropical Storm Cindy, I believe. I guess we'll hang around the house today and be lazy. Sounds good to me! I love summer vacation. I only have one more week, though. Well, the rest of this week and then next week. The week after that (the 18th-21st), we are going to a conference and that is not going to be very vacation-like, then the 25th is the first day of teacher pre-planning!! School starts August 1st! Crazy!! Oh well. Its something to keep me busy and keep my mind on something other than myself, which is very good.

This has been a very boring blog. I'll write more later, and hopefully I'll be more entertaining! :)

OK, since getting my BFP on Friday, I have been debating about getting betas drawn. Part of me really wants to see those numbers doubling so I can feel like everything is fine, but part of me says, "What if they're NOT doubling? EEK!" I mean, there's nothing I can do to change how my hCg levels do or do not increase. All it will do is probably cause me a lot of undue stress, which is what I do NOT need right now. I have enough stress as it is. I've heard stories of perfectly doubling betas, where the pregnancy ended in m/c anyway...and I've heard stories of not-doubling betas where the baby ended up just fine and dandy. So, I think knowing these things has helped me decide that ignorance really is bliss, and that I just don't need the stress. Chris says he just KNOWS this baby will be fine. He prays for him/her all the time. We both feel really positive and hopeful, which is good. Chris even bought me "What to Expect When You're Expecting" so we could read it together and see what's going on each month. Now THAT is optimism. I didn't even get a chance to look at that book before losing my baby last time I got pregnant. Last night I sat down and read the first five chapters! I guess I am feeling pretty good about this one. Should I be nervous about that??

So sad for Jill...Bad news from her doc yesterday. I was crushed to hear her news. Jill, if you're up to reading blogs and check in over here, know that I am praying for you and am SO sad for you. I just don't know what else to say. You're in my thoughts, though. Sending you hugs all the way from the USA...I feel kind of guilty for being preggo. I mean, I' ve been in this one buddy group on FF since losing my baby and about half of us have gotten preggo since then, but I feel bad because I KNOW how much these other women desire and deserve a "forever baby" of their own! Then there are all these wonderful women in blogland who are still struggling...and I feel a little guilty. Is it wrong for me to be happy? I truly know how it feels to struggle...Its been over a year of TTC for us, so I definitely know what its like, and I highly doubt I will ever forget. And we're not even sure about this bean, really, so who knows...I just feel sad for those who are still trying. I'm praying my heart out for you girls, that we all get to hold our healthy babies very soon.

Happy 4th of July!!! Chris had a great birthday weekend and we are finally back home. We had talked about staying tonight, but we thought being back home min our own bed would be a better present than more time with family (is that bad?), so we headed home. I spent the whole 2 hrs trying not to throw up. Serious nausea here, folks! I feel like I could be in a Pepto Bismol commercial. Sing it with me! "Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea! Hey! Pepto Bismol!" That's me! I hope this is not all in my mind and there really IS a baby in there. I took another HPT today (a digital one this time!) and that glorious word - "Pregnant" - popped right up. I'm really starting to believe this! Here's a picture of one of my Answer Early tests from the 1st, and the digital test, taken today:

I'm still in shock!
A note to Eve - I am so thrilled that you got your BFP as well and I'm honored to share this journey with you. I'll be checking in on you often!!

Well, two days later, I'm still pregnant! I am still so nervous, but I've been having MAJOR nausea and I have to pee like every 2 minutes, so those symptoms are comforting me a little bit. I am SO bloated, too. I pray every 30 minutes that this baby stays with us. Chris has started to call the baby "Little Sucka"...He is SO weird. :) I love him, though. He is just as scared and concerned as I am, though. We told everyone at his parents' church today and they all gathered around us and prayed for this child's safety and healthy growth. It was awesome. I am trying to stay positive and hopeful, even though having that hope is scary in itself. Fear is my number one enemy right now. Any prayers or positive thoughts anyone wants to send my way are greatly appreciated.
I promise I will write more and get caught up on everyone else's blogs (and stop being so self-centered) once we get home and I'm not having to hog someone else's computer!

Well, since I pretty much told everyone who even reads my blog...I guess I should go ahead and announce it here. I GOT MY BFP! Please, oh please God...Let this one stick around. I want this baby so badly. I am in shock, completely freaked out, and just waiting for AF to come. I'm so scared. I called my doc and, even in Alabama, she found a way to get me some progesterone, which I will start taking tonight. Then, of course, I'll be testing every day for the next week or so...as soon as we get back home, I'll post a pic of my darkest BFP! :) I am so happy and trying to stay positive. Thanks for the encouragement!!!!

About This Blog

This is me, sharing my journey through struggling to conceive, surviving miscarriage, and, finally, receiving the greatest blessing ever...the gift of a healthy, beautiful little boy.

Blogs I Love To Read

• Aurelia Ann
• Bark Like a Dog - Milo (Justin & Lauralu's babe)
• Beyond the Pale
• Certainly Not Cool Enough to Blog
• Everything Is Under Control
• Galloping Cats
• House of Miao
• Irvin World (our family blog)
• Kathy McC
• Mad Mommy
• No, I Will Never Be "Over" It
• Sweet Coalminer
• Taking Up My Cross
• The Barefoot Mama
• Three-Girls-O-Rama
• Vegas Mommy
• When Eggs Go Bad

• moving
• guilt and bad mommy thoughts
• update on us
• She is here!!!
• 5 days
• still here...
• Full Term!
• Deep thoughts
• Two years old!
• overdue update

• April 2005
• May 2005
• June 2005
• July 2005
• August 2005
• September 2005
• October 2005
• November 2005
• December 2005
• January 2006
• February 2006
• March 2006
• April 2006
• May 2006
• June 2006
• July 2006
• August 2006
• September 2006
• October 2006
• November 2006
• December 2006
• January 2007
• February 2007
• March 2007
• April 2007
• June 2007
• July 2007
• August 2007
• September 2007
• October 2007
• November 2007
• December 2007
• January 2008
• February 2008
• May 2008
• June 2008
• July 2008
• August 2008
• September 2008

annairvin@hotmail.com

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